You're Such A Hard Worker: Hard Working vs. High Functioning Anxiety

Words by Mikayla Madigan Art & Illustrations by Danielle Gosda

I'm just jumping in here because this one is a HEFTY bag of a piece, but does anyone else feel like all of their worth is attached to their work? Yes? No? Just me? As a creative professional (ooo sounds fancy), I think the attachment of work and worth is almost inevitable. Creative people naturally have a higher sense of emotion, and when you add mental illness on top of it and it's like wtf. Then, we choose a career where being at the top agencies and winning awards defines success. Our industry rewards those who are willing to work late nights and weekends and do anything to get a Cannes Lion. Advertising isn't unique to this. Work culture has perpetuated the relationship of work and worth across almost every industry. We are brought up to define a successful life through our careers. My favorite description of what work culture is like in advertising (and America as a whole) is the side by side images of the wonderful Barack Obama before and after he was in the White House. It's ROUGH. This leads me to our topic today; hard work vs. high functioning anxiety. What does that mean, how can we recognize it, and what can we do to change it? We can't continue to let a demanding industry benefit from those that are high functioning. There will be a few tangents, but stick with me y'all!

Let's challenge the question I started with by asking - how does one live their best work-life when their biggest compliments are the result of responding to anxious triggers? I know, a much harder question. I have absolutely no idea, but I do know "You’re such a hard worker" is the #1 piece of positive feedback I have received from every teacher, boss, and coworker (with good intention). After YEARS of hearing this sentence I started to realize that yes, I am a hard worker, but how I work is heavily tied to my anxious triggers. Now, those words pass through my wall of low self-confidence like a ghost. While I usually respond with a big smile and an "oh why thank you!", what I really want to say (and sometimes do say) is "thanks it's the anxiety." I usually add some sarcastic flare when I say it like an awkward LOL, but I'm, of course, drop-dead serious (yay for hiding your feelings with humor 💁‍♀️). What I mean by that though is that my anxiety is, more often than not, what's fueling me to work hard (high functioning anxiety). While it's really beneficial for a team, an agency, the work, and for a short time overall self-esteem, it's aggressively unsustainable. When I had this Aha! moment, not only did I almost shit my pants, but also started making some changes (and bought new pants). While I still have a long way to go (who am I kidding I will ALWAYS be anxious at work),  learning the difference between hard work and high functioning anxiety in myself has done wonders for me. So, we are going to take a little ride through what all of this means. Buckle up!

In short, "high functioning" is when a person with a disability, in this case, a mental health issue, functions mentally or physically at a higher level than others with the same condition. The opposite response is what I call "stalling." I don't know the technical term, but it's when anxiety keeps you from making progress, which I also experience depending on the task at hand. I can best describe high functioning anxiety as when I tell people about my anxiety and they say "Oh really? I had no idea!" Surprise! I'm really an anxious mess! High functioning anxiety can result in things like perfectionism (me), workaholism (me), irritability, and being quick to anger (also me), and a bunch of other things that are also me. Just like other forms of mental illness, there are many factors as to why people can be affected by this. For me, it's highly critical parental figures, emotional abuse, and low tolerance to stress. Often, those that are high functioning hide their feelings and push through them even though they are in consistent discomfort from encounters with a person or environment that triggers their anxiety. Do we have any questions or comments on the concept of high functioning anxiety? No? Cool 👍.

Now that we have a general idea of what high functioning anxiety is, we have to be able to recognize the characteristics of high functioning anxiety and hard work and see how similar they can be. Hence this handy dandy visual that reminds me of middle school matching quizzes that lays out some characteristics like being organized, speaking to a need for control, or perfectionism as a fear of failure, etc.

Now, looking at this handy dandy visual, you might be thinking "OMG I do all of these! Do I have anxiety?!" The answer is kind of. Just because you haven't been diagnosed with anxiety with a capital A and/or take a pill for it doesn't mean you don't experience anxiety. We are all human, therefore we all experience anxious feelings. I could go into the difference, but that's for another unsolicited blog post. But, it's completely possible that you see some of these qualities in yourself. In fact, I'd be really impressed if you didn't and might think you're from another planet.

Here's the thing about hard work and high functioning anxiety - they aren't mutually exclusive. As someone who struggles with finding comfort in grey areas, this is super fun for me. There are too many combinations to list when it comes to how these two ideas live together. It's also not always easy to tell. While I may not have the exact answer, it's important that we, as employees and coworkers, are able to identify high functioning anxiety so we can help ourselves and others. No, this does not mean my team should ask me if I'm anxious all the time, even though the answer is most likely yes 🙃. It just helps us build solid working habits for ourselves and support our coworkers’ healthy work habits.

Thanks to 6 years of weekly therapy, I've only recently gotten better at identifying when I'm working hard vs. high functioning  (Rome wasn't built in a day people!). Because hard work and high functioning anxiety aren't mutually exclusive, these signs can be seen as both (again, super fun grey areas!). Anxiety manifests differently for everyone, but I'll use myself as an example (obviously). Some things I do when I'm high functioning instead of working hard:

• I need to do everything myself/take over parts of a project

• Working late hours

• Moving from task to task before completing them

• Easily frustrated or angry (this one's new)

• Does more work than was necessary (this is CLASSIC me)

• Does the whole project in a day (also CLASSIC me)

The next step is to ask myself is why? Asking "why" forces me to pair the actions with a reason. The reason allows me to check one box or the other, which is explained here by this other really handy dandy visual!

For bonus points  ask yourself "is it necessary?"  Is working late necessary? Am I working late because I actually need to? Or am I working late because something about the project or task is triggering anxiety for me? This question stops me in my tracks when I think I'm crossing the bridge from Hard Workers Way to High Functioning Anxiety Avenue. Make an illegal U-turn and get the heck out of there girl!

Lastly, a major superpower is what I tell my therapist is my Lizzie McGuire. I'll probably do another post just on my Lizzie McGuire but for now a brief explanation. You know how in Disney Channel's critically acclaimed show from the early 2000s, Lizzie McGuire, there's a little animated version of Lizzie that represents her thoughts? That's what I named my self-aware self. It's like a little animated version of myself comes out of my head, looks down upon me, and sees what I'm doing or feeling in any situation.  If my Lizzie McGuire sees me shaking, feeling sad, experiencing headaches, exhaustion, and/or my favorite stress response, crying, I know something is triggering me and I need to spend time working through that. Gotta love crying.

What causes someone to enter a high functioning phase is unique to every person. Sometimes when I say aloud what's actually making me feel anxious, externally it's the timeline or maybe it's someone I'm working with, it seems not complicated at all. But, it's what that external force triggers internally that causes the rise in anxiety. For me, the people I'm working with are a huge factor. I struggle with self-confidence, impostor syndrome, perfectionism, and a whole of bunch of other things that internally tell me I'm the worst (I'm kind of mean to myself, you'll get used to it). This is connected to some of the things I mentioned earlier like critical parental figures and emotional abuse. So I'm often triggered by the actions of others and respond in order to feel safe, validated, and well-liked. This could be from anyone: people I actually really love working with, someone new, or someone who sucks (don't pretend some people don't just suck and are pressing triggers like they're playing N64). We are learning so much about me today, how fun is this?

Okay, so we've talked about what high functioning looks like (at least in my experience). Then what does hard work look like? To be honest, I'm way better at identifying when I'm high functioning because I spend more time in that zone. An unfortunate, but true statement. But, I have identified some signs of hard work for myself and I'd say they are really specific to how I work, so they might not be the same in others. When I'm working hard I'm focused, usually jamming (usually I like a post-hardcore radio 🤘), I feel fueled by passion, excitement, and curiosity, I give myself check points and complete tasks one at a time, I'm calmer, and I have a good groove going. Everything feels like a well-oiled machine. Compared to the list of things I do when I'm high functioning this sounds WAY BETTER, but often controlling which response I have isn't always up to me, so that's fun 🙃.

Now, what about identifying if a coworker might be experiencing anxiety about something work-related? It isn't necessarily anyone's responsibility to "control" others’ anxiety. But, it is the responsibility of everyone to create safe and healthy work environments, so keep that in mind. Do not, I repeat DO NOT, walk up to someone and be like "HEY THERE, ARE YOU ANXIOUS RIGHT NOW???" Don't even Slack it unless it's someone you're on that level with (Hi to my copy partner!). Instead, if you're noticing someone might be anxious, stressed, or overwhelmed, the best thing you can do is ask them what they need. By asking this question, it frees up a moment for them to pause and think about what they might need to work successfully instead of working through the anxiety. They might need design support, help prioritizing, to talk out their concerns and feelings, or personal space. Giving people the space they need to speak about their needs is SUPER important (a great account manager taught me that). Eventually, you learn to ask yourself the same question when you're experiencing anxiety. See how that works? A very large * is needed here to mention that YOU (the observer) might be causing a portion of the anxiety. Keep this in mind when thinking about your approach. The relationship you have with people on your team is not a right, it is earned and anxiety might be a barrier in creating one ( 🎤 drop).

Again, using myself as an example, one of my needs is usually expectations. It took me 3 years of unnecessarily burning myself out, but I figured it out eventually! We all have our own creative processes and each project comes with a variety of factors. To reduce anxiety, working late, overworking, and overproducing, I like to set expectations or ask what the expectations are for the next meeting. Some people know to give me expectations because it's how I work best, while some are uncomfortable with setting expectations and boundaries. That's where I practice setting them myself and communicating them clearly, which also makes people uncomfortable. Expectations equal boundaries and create a fence for my mind to work in. This way I don't expend any more anxious energy than I need to, allowing me to head straight into Hard Workers Way (remember that place). I sound, like, really knowledgeable right now and that's hilariously inaccurate (insert awkward LOL). To summarize, ask people what they need to feel successful, hear them when they tell you, and make space for their needs. Empathy 👏 empathy 👏 empathy 👏.

Okay, last piece, I promise (lol no I don't). I started by talking about our work being tied to your worth. We all feel it, diagnosed with a capital A anxiety or not. Again, I'd be very impressed if someone didn't, what is that even like? Because of that wonderful knot between work and worth, we can't seem to untie (I think of it like a fucked up fishing line) receiving a thumbs-up emoji for your hard work when it was actually triggering. Anxiety inducing experiences reinforce that connection and heightens expectations related to anxious habits. While the team, client, and work benefit from high functioning behavior in the same way it benefits from hard work, the experience for the employee is completely different. And because they are high functioning, they hid it the whole time 🙋‍♀️ (you try telling your manager you're anxious and let me know how hard it is, cause it is!). Then you end up creating an endless cycle of high functioning anxiety resulting in good work that is then validated by external forces. Try getting out of that one! But ready, it continues. If the work constantly relies on someone's anxiety to be successful, not only is that person constantly experience anxiety (leading to burn out and if you're me panic attacks) but also they are being validated for that work, thus making the connection that their anxiety is the most valuable quality about them as an employee ( 🎤 drop #2). Things about work culture that need to be dismantled!

Let's go back to the "needing to do everything myself" example (it's a cycle now, how fun).

This is an oversimplified example, I promise it's WAY more complicated than that. I think you get it though.

Okay y'all, we made it! We're at the end! Now that I'm at the end of writing this I feel exhausted. I hope you had a fun ride on the loopy rollercoaster my brain experiences daily. But before we exit the ride, I'll leave you with this question: how do we redefine what hard work is and looks like so that people don't have to give up basic mental health needs, and then how do we reward them for it? How do we reward employees who are both doing great work and living their best lives? And that, my fellow advertisers, is up to you to decide 🙃.